April 6, 2005

waxing philosophical. whatever that means

sometimes, when something is just within your grasp, it remains out of reach. i know this doesnt make a lot of sense in a literal sense, but whatever. i'm waxing philosophical... er something. maybe it's because i'm afriad it will slip through my fingers if i do try to grab ahold of it. why do i want things i can't have? where did i go wrong in life? yeah, i know "it's not that bad" but is it that great? i mean, i love my friends... particularly on their 21st birthdays (cuz they're super entertaining), but i look at my life and i wonder what happend. i mean, since i was in like 4th grade i knew i wanted to be an architect, since a few years after that i knew i wanted to come to u of i. i dont regret coming here, but i do wonder why i really came here and why i chose architecture. neither were really my desicion. they were both "easy" options. no thought involved on my part. i'm finally thinking long and hard about what i want to do with my life. what i want in life. what i want my life to be. and to all of those i have a resounding "i don't know." people tell me that this is the time to figure it out, but shouldnt i have figured it out earlier? i have one idea of something i want to do, but i dont know if its possible and i know that my family, parents particularly, and friends probably dont want me to do. well, maybe my friends wouldnt mind, but i know they dont think i could do it. dont ask me what it is cuz i'm not going to tell you unless i do it. the thing is, if i go for it... thats what i'm doing. the more i think about it, and look into it, the more it sounds like something i want to do. i dont know. i guess beating around the bush here isnt going to get me anywhere, but whatever. i guess now is the time to figure it out, since i havent yet. but i really feel like i should've. coulda shoulda woulda eh? at any rate... wtf am i doing with myself? i hope i figure it out soon. getting the job at wpgu is about the first thing that i've ever actually done on my own. the only choice that wasnt placed on a platter for me to take. architecture, though i love it, is not for me, just presented to me. teaching, something i think i'd be good at, and may enjoy, but again... just presented to me. whatever. we'll see what happens. wish me luck

Posted by hollimer at April 6, 2005 2:35 AM | TrackBack
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